The campsite

I think it is best if I tell the campsite about the modifications I did to the bungalow when I was ill. They are going to find out in the end anyway so its best I tell them first. You never know. They might even know of a carpenter who can restore the place and get it back into a saleable condition. Honesty is the best policy. Especially when you are in trouble.

The Einstein Poole Newton Equations

If E=mc^2 and F=ma then m=E/(c^2) and m=F/a so E/(c^2)=F/a

The man who inspired Einstein

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Poincar%C3%A9 Amazing but true. If you read up on this guy you find out that he had thought up many of the ideas of relativity and published them before Einstein did. Don't take my word for it though. Read up on it yourself.

The philosophical explanation of life itself

"In our endeavor to understand reality we are somewhat like a man trying to understand the mechanism of a closed watch. He sees the face and the moving hands, even hears its ticking, but he has no way of opening the case. If he is ingenious he may form some picture of a mechanism which could be responsible for all the things he observes, but he may never be quite sure his picture is the only one which could explain his observations. He will never be able to compare his picture with the real mechanism and he cannot even imagine the possibility of the meaning of such a comparison."

- ALBERT EINSTEIN, 1938

Complete failure

I have come to terms with being a spent force. I am a dependent mental patient now and will allmost certainly remain one for the rest of my life.

Ooooogle.com

Ooooogle.com
your solid state connection to Jersey mental health

So that's where it all went....................

2010-Q3 Bank Failure.

During the third quarter, Federal and State regulators closed 41 banks, with assets totaling $14.4 billion and at an estimated cost to the FDIC of $2.58 billion. There were nine bank failures in September, ten in August, and twenty two in July. The two largest banks with assets over $1 billion that were closed by regulators during the quarter were ShoreBank, Chicago, IL with assets of $2.16 billion and Crescent Bank and Trust Company, Jasper, GA with assets of $1.01 billion.

Since the start of the financial crisis in 2007, there have been 308 bank failures with assets totaling a staggering $638.8 billion, deposits totaling $450.9 billion, and at an estimated cost to the FDIC’s Deposit Insurance Fund (DIF) of $73.54 billion.

This is how life is now

I have got my three groups that I attend every week without fail. I have my job on the computer. And every 14 days my nurse come around with an injection. I still produce music MP3 files. I still write to people. But I have lost all sense of unrealistic ambition now and am content to live out the remainder of my days in peace and quiet with my music, my job, and my memories. Thanks for dropping by the blog.

Protortype 20

AOK 10/4 stable, running, & functional.

British Legion

My British Legion membership card has arrived today and I am very pleased with it. My number has changed to 7 figures long as opposed to the previous 6 figures but I expect I will get used to that all in good time. It feels good to be welcomed back into the fold. I hope I do not let them down.

Happiness

Someone is leaving the group in the summer. She is selling up, retiring, and moving to France. She will be missed.

A Free Virtual Mental Health Hospital

I have found a free virtual mental health hospital on the web now so I probably will not need to go back to Orchard House.

A game I have written

http://scammed-offshore.com/game.php      Here is a link to a gaming program I have written.

php

Written my first proper full length conditional php script. And it works!

the cavalry has arrived

My sister is helping out with the transfer of the French place. That's sisters for you.

Information freeze

All of my long term classic sources of information and advice have dried up. There is no more voluntary advice to be had anywhere in town.

Leisure time

I can see a lot of leisure time coming around now. Program maintainance could well be the new order of the day. Restaurant meals. Stress relief classes. Regular active medical checks. Trips to the gym. Church. Charities. Community involvement etc. Orchestras. Rock. Music. Maybe sport.

Working with code

Thinking of going to get some crispy bacon sandwidges for breakfast with some hot milky coffee.

Nothing can really be said

Nothing can really be said about my latest business programming venture. It is probably best just to call it "Protortype 19" (which it was), talk about the weather a bit, and move the conversation on to something else. Do you like tea?

I have got my money back

After 35 years I have got my money back from the trustees. I get a retirement trust when I turn 50 next year.

The new protortype

Life grinds on.

The move

The plan is now to hire a transit van and do the job myself.

The inheritance

It was my mum stealing my inheritance that was entrusted to her when I was underage that led to all my psychiatric problems. I am now allmost 50 however.

My mum

It seems funny now but all I can really remember of my mother is of a woman who used to really enjoy her cigarettes. My Dad used to really enjoy his drink. And my sister was for all intents and purposes in love with our pet cat. That, in a nutshell, was all my childhood was really about.

Automatic disapproval

Looks like I have got automatic disapproval from everyone I know for everything I have ever done.

My mother was too hard on me

http://www.291505.com/help.htm here is link to the music I have written recently.

Guilty

I feel guilty about having slept with my Dad when I was 19 in a London Hotel. Can't get it out of my mind.

Got a new haircut

I have got a new haircut now and feel a lot better. I am a bit worried I will not have enough funds to cover my bills for April though.

Sold it

I have sold the French place now. I hope the new owners like it. They got a very good deal.

Got a serious offer

Just got a serious offer on the French mobile-home static caravan which I accepted on the phone so I am now waiting between 20 minutes and an hour for the required confirmation call back. Its quite nervous nail biting stuff really. You never really know how things will work out till the deal is done. If they offer a bit less though I have decided I will still accept. Now that I am retiring I will need to economise and make cut backs.

Luck?

It's funny the way life seems to change very slowly most of the time and then very quickly sometimes. Today I got a call from a company interested in buying the French place and contacted a removal company about the contents. Tomorrow I might get a call about an offer. Then if I accept the offer my main problem in life will be sorted. This time yesterday it wasn't. Is it just luck?

Deeply Secure Again

I scare easy these days. But after a lot of thought I think it is only because of my new found deep sense of security. It's like if you spend most of your time feeling very secure when bad things occasionally happen they scare you more. Either that or they don't scare you more. You just notice the terror more because more of the rest of your time is spent in deep security. That's probably it actually. I also added up all my problems today and they came to £300 per month. Then I thought thinking about them like that life is not so bad. I can think of a lot of people who would trade places with me for a life with only £300 a month of problems.

Amazing fact

You can buy car warranties online for most cars under 10 years old. The contract includes anything that may go wrong with the car for a few pounds per month. My cars are too old. But with newer cars you can smooth out all of your car payments by buying one for a regular monthly payment. And you do not have to buy the waranty when trading in your car either. You can just buy one anytime. For anything you happen to drive. As long as it is modern.

Freedom of conscience

Spent some of the day reading up on freedom of thought and freedom of conscience and how they are completely different things from freedom of expression and freedom of speech. Very comforting. Especially for someone who finds communication challenging.

Protortype 19

I am working on a computer project now. Protortype 19. It is a good job. But is taking a long time. When it works out I will be rich. But I am doing it mainly for other reasons too. I get a mental health allowance from the social and next year I get a retirement trust. But I need to work. I am just one of those kinds of people who needs a job in life. I need something to channel all my energies into. And computer programming of internet marketing is perfect for that. You can pump all the powers into it that you have. The rewards mean it is worth it. Then you are spent. You can relax and take it easy till you need to exhaust all that pent up frustration again. Protortype 19 is written in PHP.

The problem

The problem with my life was that the mental treatment that was given to me when I was a teenager seperated my from all of my friends and placed me into a substitute environment of mainly totally straight dead square army and navy type people. I was marooned from all the normal type of hippy musical people I would have normally spent time with. The treatment isolated me from my own kind completely. Only now after over 30 years am I very tentatively summing up the courage to get to know my own sort of people again. It is scary and it is risky. After 30 years of isolated brainwashing they obviously see me as one of the enemy. One of the people I was brainwashed into mixing with. But I can only hope and pray that over time they will learn to accept me for what I really am and always was. The guy that got left behind.

Bank fraud

It turns out Barclays have been charging me £10k a year since 1987. I am very depressed about it. That's what it's like being a mental patient here in Jersey. I only found out a few weeks ago.

Protortype 19

Project 1 Protortype 4 appears to have failed
However just before this Project 1 Protortypes 3a , 3b , and 3c all worked out

The main challenge now is to keep the Project under wraps. There have been 7 Project 1 Protortypes. 5 Project 2 Protortypes. 3 Project 3 Protortypes. And 1 Project 4 Protortype. I think the trick is now to forget about Projects and just go by Prortortype Numbers. So the next Protortype will be Protortype 19.

Stresses and strains

There is a lot of money at stake with the computer business now.

The only good advice I ever got

See all, hear all, say nowt. And if every thy say owt for nowt allys doit for thisen.

It appears to be working

Early days yet, but I can see the other computer quietly ticking away on the other side of the room now.

3 year care plan needed

It is time for me to make another 3 year care plan. Projects include selling the French place buying a retirement trust and maybe reducing my intake of medication by 50%