Food for thought.

Murder is wrong.
Copper conducts electricity.
All even numbers greater than 2 are the sum of two primes.
Liberal democracy is the best form of government.
Nothing beyond the artwork is needed to appreciate it aesthetically.

The Bill

It's a long time since the Bill phoned. A lot has happened. Suffice to say they came round but I refused them entry. I got two mental nurses visiting instead. Then another injection. Then all sorts of things. But it's over now. You probably will not be reading many more posts from me on this blog. I have found some friends. G bless you for reading this far. Goodbye.

The Bill have called

The police tried to phone me today but I was asleep. I only found out because their exchange code of 612 appeared on my phone system later when I checked. I also got some very good news from the Institute. After tendering my resignation at the height of my illness I then realised how stupid I had been and asked to withdraw my tender. They just agreed to that this morning which is an emmence relief. So I am now being contacted by the Bill. I will have to see what they want I suppose.

Thinking twice

I think I am going to start thinking twice before replying to replys from my emails now. Just because someone writes back does not mean I am forced to write to them a second time. I might start just writing to people once now.

I am a camel with a broken back now

useless to everyone because I cannot carry a load anymore so I will not get fed.

the turning of the tide

The tide may have turned viz a vis the business side of things. Nothing much is expected to happen for a few days. Sincerely capiche. Chow amigo. Ever yours.

The symptoms..............

• Difficulty in conversation?  true_____false______
• Sleep irregularity?  true_____false______
• Difficulty concentrating? true_____false______
• Declining interest in school, sports and other areas of life where there was former considerable interest? true_______false______
• A discontinuing of longtime friendships? true________false_______
• Personal hygiene neglect? true______false____
• Dramatic weight change and poor eating behavior? true_____false_____
• Flat emotions? true______false_____
• Blank stares? true______false_____
• Peculiar physical behavior and symptoms? true_____false_____
• Depression or lack of emotions in certain situations? true_____false______
• Inexplainable laughter and giddiness? true_____false______
• Long pauses and slow responses? true______false_____
• Going mentally blank?  true_____false______
• Searching for words?  true_____false______
• Forgetfulness?  true_____false______
• False accusations (delusions)?  true_____false______

The campsite

I think it is best if I tell the campsite about the modifications I did to the bungalow when I was ill. They are going to find out in the end anyway so its best I tell them first. You never know. They might even know of a carpenter who can restore the place and get it back into a saleable condition. Honesty is the best policy. Especially when you are in trouble.

The Einstein Poole Newton Equations

If E=mc^2 and F=ma then m=E/(c^2) and m=F/a so E/(c^2)=F/a

The man who inspired Einstein

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Poincar%C3%A9 Amazing but true. If you read up on this guy you find out that he had thought up many of the ideas of relativity and published them before Einstein did. Don't take my word for it though. Read up on it yourself.

The philosophical explanation of life itself

"In our endeavor to understand reality we are somewhat like a man trying to understand the mechanism of a closed watch. He sees the face and the moving hands, even hears its ticking, but he has no way of opening the case. If he is ingenious he may form some picture of a mechanism which could be responsible for all the things he observes, but he may never be quite sure his picture is the only one which could explain his observations. He will never be able to compare his picture with the real mechanism and he cannot even imagine the possibility of the meaning of such a comparison."

- ALBERT EINSTEIN, 1938

Complete failure

I have come to terms with being a spent force. I am a dependent mental patient now and will allmost certainly remain one for the rest of my life.

Ooooogle.com

Ooooogle.com
your solid state connection to Jersey mental health

So that's where it all went....................

2010-Q3 Bank Failure.

During the third quarter, Federal and State regulators closed 41 banks, with assets totaling $14.4 billion and at an estimated cost to the FDIC of $2.58 billion. There were nine bank failures in September, ten in August, and twenty two in July. The two largest banks with assets over $1 billion that were closed by regulators during the quarter were ShoreBank, Chicago, IL with assets of $2.16 billion and Crescent Bank and Trust Company, Jasper, GA with assets of $1.01 billion.

Since the start of the financial crisis in 2007, there have been 308 bank failures with assets totaling a staggering $638.8 billion, deposits totaling $450.9 billion, and at an estimated cost to the FDIC’s Deposit Insurance Fund (DIF) of $73.54 billion.

This is how life is now

I have got my three groups that I attend every week without fail. I have my job on the computer. And every 14 days my nurse come around with an injection. I still produce music MP3 files. I still write to people. But I have lost all sense of unrealistic ambition now and am content to live out the remainder of my days in peace and quiet with my music, my job, and my memories. Thanks for dropping by the blog.

Protortype 20

AOK 10/4 stable, running, & functional.

British Legion

My British Legion membership card has arrived today and I am very pleased with it. My number has changed to 7 figures long as opposed to the previous 6 figures but I expect I will get used to that all in good time. It feels good to be welcomed back into the fold. I hope I do not let them down.

Happiness

Someone is leaving the group in the summer. She is selling up, retiring, and moving to France. She will be missed.

A Free Virtual Mental Health Hospital

I have found a free virtual mental health hospital on the web now so I probably will not need to go back to Orchard House.

A game I have written

http://scammed-offshore.com/game.php      Here is a link to a gaming program I have written.

php

Written my first proper full length conditional php script. And it works!

the cavalry has arrived

My sister is helping out with the transfer of the French place. That's sisters for you.

Information freeze

All of my long term classic sources of information and advice have dried up. There is no more voluntary advice to be had anywhere in town.

Leisure time

I can see a lot of leisure time coming around now. Program maintainance could well be the new order of the day. Restaurant meals. Stress relief classes. Regular active medical checks. Trips to the gym. Church. Charities. Community involvement etc. Orchestras. Rock. Music. Maybe sport.

Working with code

Thinking of going to get some crispy bacon sandwidges for breakfast with some hot milky coffee.

Nothing can really be said

Nothing can really be said about my latest business programming venture. It is probably best just to call it "Protortype 19" (which it was), talk about the weather a bit, and move the conversation on to something else. Do you like tea?

I have got my money back

After 35 years I have got my money back from the trustees. I get a retirement trust when I turn 50 next year.

The new protortype

Life grinds on.

The move

The plan is now to hire a transit van and do the job myself.

The inheritance

It was my mum stealing my inheritance that was entrusted to her when I was underage that led to all my psychiatric problems. I am now allmost 50 however.

My mum

It seems funny now but all I can really remember of my mother is of a woman who used to really enjoy her cigarettes. My Dad used to really enjoy his drink. And my sister was for all intents and purposes in love with our pet cat. That, in a nutshell, was all my childhood was really about.

Automatic disapproval

Looks like I have got automatic disapproval from everyone I know for everything I have ever done.

My mother was too hard on me

http://www.291505.com/help.htm here is link to the music I have written recently.

Guilty

I feel guilty about having slept with my Dad when I was 19 in a London Hotel. Can't get it out of my mind.

Got a new haircut

I have got a new haircut now and feel a lot better. I am a bit worried I will not have enough funds to cover my bills for April though.

Sold it

I have sold the French place now. I hope the new owners like it. They got a very good deal.

Got a serious offer

Just got a serious offer on the French mobile-home static caravan which I accepted on the phone so I am now waiting between 20 minutes and an hour for the required confirmation call back. Its quite nervous nail biting stuff really. You never really know how things will work out till the deal is done. If they offer a bit less though I have decided I will still accept. Now that I am retiring I will need to economise and make cut backs.

Luck?

It's funny the way life seems to change very slowly most of the time and then very quickly sometimes. Today I got a call from a company interested in buying the French place and contacted a removal company about the contents. Tomorrow I might get a call about an offer. Then if I accept the offer my main problem in life will be sorted. This time yesterday it wasn't. Is it just luck?

Deeply Secure Again

I scare easy these days. But after a lot of thought I think it is only because of my new found deep sense of security. It's like if you spend most of your time feeling very secure when bad things occasionally happen they scare you more. Either that or they don't scare you more. You just notice the terror more because more of the rest of your time is spent in deep security. That's probably it actually. I also added up all my problems today and they came to £300 per month. Then I thought thinking about them like that life is not so bad. I can think of a lot of people who would trade places with me for a life with only £300 a month of problems.

Amazing fact

You can buy car warranties online for most cars under 10 years old. The contract includes anything that may go wrong with the car for a few pounds per month. My cars are too old. But with newer cars you can smooth out all of your car payments by buying one for a regular monthly payment. And you do not have to buy the waranty when trading in your car either. You can just buy one anytime. For anything you happen to drive. As long as it is modern.

Freedom of conscience

Spent some of the day reading up on freedom of thought and freedom of conscience and how they are completely different things from freedom of expression and freedom of speech. Very comforting. Especially for someone who finds communication challenging.

Protortype 19

I am working on a computer project now. Protortype 19. It is a good job. But is taking a long time. When it works out I will be rich. But I am doing it mainly for other reasons too. I get a mental health allowance from the social and next year I get a retirement trust. But I need to work. I am just one of those kinds of people who needs a job in life. I need something to channel all my energies into. And computer programming of internet marketing is perfect for that. You can pump all the powers into it that you have. The rewards mean it is worth it. Then you are spent. You can relax and take it easy till you need to exhaust all that pent up frustration again. Protortype 19 is written in PHP.

The problem

The problem with my life was that the mental treatment that was given to me when I was a teenager seperated my from all of my friends and placed me into a substitute environment of mainly totally straight dead square army and navy type people. I was marooned from all the normal type of hippy musical people I would have normally spent time with. The treatment isolated me from my own kind completely. Only now after over 30 years am I very tentatively summing up the courage to get to know my own sort of people again. It is scary and it is risky. After 30 years of isolated brainwashing they obviously see me as one of the enemy. One of the people I was brainwashed into mixing with. But I can only hope and pray that over time they will learn to accept me for what I really am and always was. The guy that got left behind.

Bank fraud

It turns out Barclays have been charging me £10k a year since 1987. I am very depressed about it. That's what it's like being a mental patient here in Jersey. I only found out a few weeks ago.

Protortype 19

Project 1 Protortype 4 appears to have failed
However just before this Project 1 Protortypes 3a , 3b , and 3c all worked out

The main challenge now is to keep the Project under wraps. There have been 7 Project 1 Protortypes. 5 Project 2 Protortypes. 3 Project 3 Protortypes. And 1 Project 4 Protortype. I think the trick is now to forget about Projects and just go by Prortortype Numbers. So the next Protortype will be Protortype 19.

Stresses and strains

There is a lot of money at stake with the computer business now.

The only good advice I ever got

See all, hear all, say nowt. And if every thy say owt for nowt allys doit for thisen.

It appears to be working

Early days yet, but I can see the other computer quietly ticking away on the other side of the room now.

3 year care plan needed

It is time for me to make another 3 year care plan. Projects include selling the French place buying a retirement trust and maybe reducing my intake of medication by 50%

Tina is dying

Tina is dying. One of my friends from the mental hospital. She was going out with Ray one of my ex boyfriends. Ray is very upset. She has got about 24 / 48 hours is on morphine with an oxygen mask. She is one of only a handful of people I have ever known who will have died of non suicide causes. It is a new emotion for me to learn how to deal with. Ray and Tina were given a blessing by the hospital chaplain.

Programming

Its getting to the stage these days when you really just program in whatever income you want with these machines. It makes the wealth gap and the credit crisis seem very distant. But just on the other side of the glass of the windows of my centrally heated flat are where people are starving and dying in the streets. And I think it was not that long ago since I was eating my last banana out there myself on the run from the banks in Europe with no petrol, no money, no hope, and nowhere to go. It makes you think sometimes.

Programming

I am really happy I made the switch into programming and internet marketing. When things don't work out all you have lost is a bit of time. The programming languages are free to learn and use. It means your learning curve mistakes cost you nothing which is different to other industries.

The pressure is off

I was fighting time there for a bit. Now I just do some more work every day until things work out. Relief is the word for it all.

Project 1 Protortype 3

Project 1 Protortype 3 has yielded some knowledge that could prove quite usefull over the next few weeks. Of itself Project 1 Prortype 3 proved itself successfull beyond any known capacity previously known to mankind. The knowlege that it yielded has taught me a fundamental pricipal that I can now attempt to put to good use. Whether I am now able to put this hard won knowledge to fruitfull use is to a large degree now my next obstacle in business. That will be dealt with in Project 4 Protortype 1 which will be synonymous with Project 1 Protortype 4. So Project 1 Protortype 3 did its job basically. It discovered something. Now its down to me. If I can put the new discovery to good use maybe I will be able to make enough to fund my mum's much needed new kneee operation. And my dads much needed residence in a drying out clinic. Only time will tell. But a labour of love is a labour of love.

Forgotten something

Have you ever got the feeling you have forgotten something but you have forgotten what it is? It is a completely sickening feeling. You know it was goddammed important. You just can't remember.

Project 1 Protortype 3

Project 1 Protortype 3 = achieved but now more understood to be in a partial kind of way. Some more work can now be done in questionable areas to boost the prospects of this endeavour.

Court

I have got to get those Court papers done by Monday 9.30am. Its a real drag. But I have got to learn to stick up for myself now. It might not be a bad thing for the world at large to find out how Barclays treats disabled Jewish foreigners like me anyhow. I bought 10 extra bic biros for it. I have spare computer ink. I just checked.

An inside straight

It's probably never really worth drawing to an inside straight I have decided. There is always another table somewhere. Another game. Another town.

Project 1 Protortype 3

Project 1 Protortype 3 = achieved

the bill

the bill was a stress induced regressive experience. end of story.

Dry Goods Floor Food

Went shopping today and bought some more long shelf life food. Dry goods floor really. Cans,  packets, jars, and bottles. I have got a few eggs and onions to eat up but after that I can probably live on the cupboard food for quite a long time. It was heavy carrying it all back but worth it. I buy the special offers. 2 for 1 and buy one get one free. That kind of stuff. All the special offers have a big red sign on them anyway so you can't miss them. The dry goods floor food I am accumulating helps me feel secure and safe. I will probably just be focusing on building up my cupboads now.

Bob Dylan

"you are the reason I have been struggling on

don't think twice it's allright."

Barclays Private Bank

Their own power will eventually completely consume them. Forget all about them.

My mother

My mother had her hooks in deep to my money from an early age. Now she is planning to inherit as much as possible from my Dad by excluding me from the family. I am glad I have a job.

Project 3 Protortype 1

Had my idea for Project 3 Protortype 1 today. I am not really quite sure about this one because it is going to cost £10.00 to test it out. But I should, in theory, be able to get the trials done by the end of the week if I can build it in time.

Gigged

I played the Halfpenny Bridge bar in Jersey tonight. Got recorded by a home recording enthusiast as well. Got a taxi home. Wanted to be careful of the guitar. Bob Dylan was on the radio. Got chatting.

No milk, no bread, no beer

The new austerity diet. ( it is meant to bring my cholesterol down actually but still ).

Shopping

My relationship with my local "shop" has drawn to a close. Now that I do not buy any milk or bread or beer on the advice of the dietician I am free to go to the co-op supermarket instead. I only need to shop once or twice a week now. In pursuit of austerity things should work out cheaper. And I can still get my frozen veg at the co-op. I have just been. It costs a bit more. But I can still get it.

project failure

Project 2 protortypes 4 and 5 have both failed to achieve required servicability operating standards. Project 3 protortype 1 will commence in a few days.

A few days

I now have nothing to do for a few days but work on my programming and record a 24 bit wav file song. I was praying for this really. A few years of good productive life before my parents got too old to remember who I was. I am now back at the trade I was practicing at 13 before I left London.

Got myself analysed

Blues ballads...........................................that's my genre..........................they said so.

Sponge

When the money runs out I will just have to start to sponge off my mum and dad. There is no other way. Anyway its a long way off yet and I might make some money at programming or music. At least I am getting to work in my old trade again. I did start working at it at 13 after all.

Disco Remix

They are thinking about maybe mixing and mastering one of my songs into a sort of techno house Ibiza club chillout. This is real by the way. I am not making this up.

Protortype 5

Basically I have been writing code all day. Very very simple snippets of code and Project 2 Protortype 5 is well under way. I see huge sums on the horizon. My family will never want.

Project 2 Protortype 4

Project 2 Protortype 4 looks like it is looking good. I know I go on about it a lot but when it starts buying everyone cars and houses you should begin to see the light. I got some interest from a song promoter about my songs.

My job

I am really just getting very heavily into my job these days. I have found that it has led to good things. Last week I spent the whole week indoors working on the computer apart from rock on Wednesday. I really do feel a lot better for it. I am now confident about making money at it. And confident it will be quite soon.

Bang

It was bettter to go out with a bang rather than a whimper.

I Got Another Song Done

today which I feel quite glad about. My depression seems to be clearing up now that I realise all the bad things I have done were caused by others having gained financial power over me all my life. But I think that it is getting a bit late to change things. I am set in my ways now. I have never had much money. I am almost 50. And I want things to stay the same. I hope my Dad does not feel suicidal anymore. It was almost too much for me to bear when he said he wanted my permission. I think it was just his natural guilt though. Too many offshore deals with the Kevin L mob.

My Music Page

Here is a link to my song page. They are all free. Have a listen. Leave a comment in comments box if you have to. http://www.291505.com/help.htm    

Judgement Day

The good news is Christ had got to come back AND the dead must be resurected BEFORE the last final day of Judgement by God. So because neither of these things have happened yet we still have time to seek repentance and try and mend our ways before the dreaded day.

The Army

I feel bad about having got rejected from the army but not that bad. Aparently I was deferred anyway.

All that is left to do now

is sort out some sort of regular money spinner on the web and everything will be sorted. I will be able to live well, look after my family in their old age, and buy some medical treatment for my 3 big mental illnesses. Just a matter of perservering with the job and eventually everything should work out. That's the plan anyway.

Another lossless day

Aother lossless day. Have even cancelled my last subscription. Every days work costs me the big zeros now. Feel much better about life. Got a pie cooking for tea. Project 2 Protortype 4 is still undegoing sea trials.

My Voice

My voice to the outside world on this blog is keeping me going. I just installed a script on my website today. It took a long time but now seems to be working. Working and music are all I have got now. I bought some nylon strings today. You have to be carefull putting them on and three of the bridge nut slots need widening but apparently apart from that it should be OK.

The Holiday Inn

Nothing will be said about the time I had to sleep with my father at the Holiday Inn in Belsize Park just around the corner from my sister's.

Breaking Out

Breaking out of the confidential offshore world that I had become a prisoner of was complete hell. But with the help of this free blog from Google I think I can now do it.

My Parents

When you find out your own mother has been ripping you off since you were 15 you can get a bit down. Especially when you find out your own father was approving everything by signing off her tax returns. But when Daddy works for a billionaire things are different. Police and judges really do get bribed. Private doctors at private psychiatric hospitals really do get paid off as well. And people places and things get quietly forgotten about. Like me.

Just had an idea

How about fitting nylon strings to the electric guitars? Not the ones with the normal pick ups. But the ones with the bridge pick ups?

The voice of reason

Playing electric guitar is painfull because it hurts my fingers. Playing classical guitar is not. You can even get classical guitars fitted with electric bridge pickups. I must have been mad. Thanks for the tip Rick. Your hands must be made of iron.

Money worries

If my money runs out before my parents die I will just have to ask them for an advanced inheritance. That is my only realistic course of action now.

Life is not so bad

Life is not so bad after all. As long as you are carefull not to give away your friends it works out.

My new chat room

http://mental-patient.com

Dear Diary

I think the best basic trick in life is allways to keep someone to talk to and trust and confide in. That is why I keep this weblog really. So at least I have a voice out of the wilderness. Today was quite a day. After deciding to go out to another caf for a coffee ( I went a bit wrong with events in the other caf yesterday ) I noticed an open door at the Salvation Army so went through it. I was immediately in another world. A man covered in tatoos was painting out the hallway blocking the stairs and immediately asked me who I was and what I wanted. Thinking quick I explained that my life was good but that I wanted to know where to get a free meal if times got hard. I must have said the right thing or maybe it was my long hair. But anyway. I was led out on the street and down a nearby alley and into a courtyard with an open door, a girl chatting to a guy, and an introduction of "this is Jim" or something like that. An hour later I got hope with one remaining ambition in life never to let myself end up at the shelter. The girl and guy I met were charming. She had picked up a 3g/day habbit ( heroin ) while working for a merchant bank called Warburgs and he ( very kind ) was running the Sally Army. Really nice people who let me in on where to get free grub and help if things went wrong and more important how to do it right but it left me with that new ambition of mine. Stay out of the shelter. So I got home. Opened the post. Read my email. And I am now even doubly resolute about my business and programming and internet marketing. I think I have just about enough time and money to make this business work. I had a glimpse into the abyss today. A peek over the precipice. I found my boundaries in life beyond which I do not want to journey. I live on my family and the states now. I am rebulding my business life on the right side of the law. And I accept medication. I am back home now. Working away again on the web. Writing my weblog. That is more than enough for me.

Some Evidence

Today is the day

An Explanation

What has and is been happening is quite simple is you can just open your mind to new ideas and suspend disbelief for a few minutes. What has happened is that "other" people have assumed comtrol and have been running my 6 figure estate for many decades. And if you control a man's money you control his mind. The trouble is that they do not know and never knew what they were doing. It's a bit like if you go out and steal an ultra high performance sports car. You might know where the steering wheel and the pedal are but the chances are there are lots of very high specification features and controls and security that you do not know how to operate. So you become a liability to the world in general. It's not the fault of the car. It is the fault of the thieves. Now I am not saying that I am a car, or that I have been stolen, or that I am dangerous or anything because I am not. But what I am saying is that with "other" people having been running my financial life for 34 years an irreversible series of events has been processed which is now completely impossible to stop. They just did not know what they were doing so they made me do lots of bad things. I feel terrible about the life I have led. Partly because they like to use guilt to control me. But also because people who should not really have been in control of me have been in control of all of my financial life for the last 34 years.

The End of the Beginning

In the immortal words of Winston Churchill we have at last reached the "end of the beginning". Because the lawyers firm doing the legal aid scheme here in Jersey has now changed I have begun to become free to apply for legal aid. The old law firm was implicated in the case. So I now have no excuses for any unreasonable behaviour. I have access to legal representation that I can afford for the first time. It was a long road. And we built it.

The best of all plans

I think the best plan, despite being incommunicado with most of them at the moment, is to stand loyal to family and the medics and to just let everyone else go to the wall (street). Valentine's Day is coming around again and it is, after all, not that long ago since that fearsome day in Chicago between the wars.

The inheriting game

In view of the fact that the last inheritance I was written in for cost me the best years of my life I am sadly of the mind now that none of the other possible questionable inheritances being "promised" over the next few years are really worth stressing out over.

Lunch

I am not going to be able to have my Friday lunch at the caf this week because of my injection so I am going to go off now and have my Friday lunch today.

The Jersey Financial Services Commission

"4.3 Ordinarily, the Commission will not investigate complaints that relate solely to the cost or quality of banking services, commercial decisions of banks or investment performance, or the fee charging scales of registered persons."     A direct quote from the JFSC guidance document.

Abuse

I think it is important to seperate the two forms of abuse that I have suffered over the years with relation to my finances. The first form of abuse was from my family with their direct separation of me from my cash. The second form of abuse was from the financial community the assets were invested in over the years. I think it is very important to divide these two areas of abuse to fully understand what has been going on for the last 34 years.

Barclays Private Bank

The story of my family and Barclays Private Bank is sadly now beginning to remind me of the plot of an old play called Dr Faustus. For those people who understand all the various behind the scenes deals that went on over the years after reading the plot of the play and swapping a few names around it it tragically inevitable what is bound to eventually happen.

Hartlypool United FC

A very great deal can be learned from Hartlypool United Football Club up North in the UK. I can say no more. Enough to hint at the fact that in the 1970s (when I was a lad etc) they had to release a pop song as a squad because they got so poor. 40 years later they are thriving. They have their own website. They have kept ownership of their own grounds. They are still in the league. Or the "Barclays" league as it is now known. And therefore that means they must still win the occasional game. You can learn a lot from Hartlypool United Football Club.

An "isu"

From my reading I understand that I have now become what is technically termed an "income support unit". Makes you feel like someone in the military really. Still. An "income support unit" is technically what I have now become.

Got used to it again

I got used to being a pedestrian today. My big toe started hurting a bit but it got better after a few hours. The street is just like it always was. But better. The Bill are having a clean up campaign to take out the violent drunks at night. Leaves things a lot cooler for the rest of us. The long term plan is to just stop using the cars and the French place. Then after a few weeks if I get used to street life again just do a deal with a good businessman to take them off my hands in return for the contents being shipped back to me here in Jersey plus maybe a bit of cash. End of story.

Another lossless day

Another lossless day. It's great this. I work away with the possibility of earning huge cash without actually losing any. Every extra hours work costs me the big zeros. Zilch. Nothing. Sweet FA.

Ignorance is Bliss

What I don't know isn't going to hurt me. End of story.

1980 itself

My first brush with the law was actually in 1980 when my parents turned me in to Interpol just before I went to Bristol University to read Nuclear Physics.

Pedestrianisation

I am going to start going back to being a full pedestrian now in preparation for the time when I will be forced to sell the two cars and the French place. It's going to be much easier for me if I just get used to it all now rather than waiting for the sale.

"He who pays the piper"

I think my own life since I was 15 has really been a case of "he who pays the piper calls the tune". With my funds having fallen into the offshore possession of my family ever since that time I have subconciously been compromised into living out my familes wishes and fantasies rather than my own. This includes basically the vast majority of the things I have been subconsciously forced to do for the last 34 years. Because the funds fell into their possession they have been able to manipulate everything I have ever done all of my life ever since. With the possible impending return of what is now left of my funds (about 10%) it will be a great challenge for me to have to learn to think and act for myself without my family remaining in possession of my thoughts. I will be free. But at the age of almost 50 freedom is still an unknown asset to me.

Joe

It turns out my mother is called Joe and not Ursula as I had first thought. Ursula is only her middle name.

The 1970s

Here is a link to the estate. As you can see I only got to read my copy of the will in 2009. http://291505.com/Paula.pdf

Jersey

What actually happened was my estate actually got highjacked in the 1970s when I was 15. I never saw it ever again until 2009 when I got a copy of the will read to me by a medic in an offshore mental hospital.

Another successful day

A lossless day again. I am beginning to like this programming and internet marketing. All my costs are now fixed. Work itself costs me zero from now on. Considering what some people can and do make on the web that is a very comfortable feeling. I have found that my work in itself leads to good things even if it makes no money. It actualy creates time and calmness. Got to get on with my life now. I have got a cupboard full of pasta and noodles waiting for me.

Protortype 4

Project 2 Protortype 4 is built, up and running, and ready to roll.

Brilliant news

Apparently if I want to change trust companies I just write to the FSC. My faith in the law is restored. Hark the herald angels sing.

The Fund

The fund is making just about enough to pay for most of the management fees now. With a gross yield of 12 and management fees at 10 or 15 things are beginning to look quite interesting.

Music glasses

Its now all about getting some glasses made up for reading music.

Concert time

Guess who is playing in the Jersey Symphony Orchestra Easter Concert then?

Kevin

Mr XYZ got hooked on Kevin's booze. Then Kevin spent all of his money buying up more clubs Then Kevin sold Mr XYZ some more booze. That was how Mr XYZ got hooked.

Protortype 3

Project 2 Protortype 3 is completed. However since completing it I have concluded it is basically 75% commercially useless. A lot of ground was gained in learning this. Protortype 4 will follow on in due course.

The Working Day is Over

The working day has drawn to a close now and I have had my dinner. But for some work can never stop. A committment is a committment. And an engineer is what I now am. It does not stop at midnight and I do not have to leave the ball. 247 means 247. I will probably get Project 2 Protortype 3 finished by this time tomorrow though. It's just another long hard slog till I get it done.

Protortype 3

Project 2 Protortype 3 looks possible. But it could take some time and some serious learning.

Protortype 2

Project 2 Protortype 2 is now up an running and fully functional. A bit like Project 1 though its actual profitable use with specific reference to business is currently open to question but that being said it is fully functional adjustable and compliant and does its job very well.

A reasonable day

It has been a very reasonable days work. Keeping a weblog all about it is I think extremely important. I finished writing my second computer program. Very simple code. Deceptively simple in fact. And protortype 1 appears to be working with limited functionality very well. Building protortype 2 with full functionality is quite likely going to be possible.

Fridays

I have decided to only have lunch in the caf on friday this week. All other lunches will from now on be spent here in my home office. It is partly I admit a self imposed austerity drive. I can pay for a whole weeks worth of home office lunches by skipping one cafe lunch. But there are also other reasons.

I have got a job

Despite all my problems and setbacks the great relief of it all really is the fact that I have got a job on the right side of the law in a good country with an unlimited upside potential. In theory in a years time I really could be making the kind of money that would make my present problems seem trivial.

Appetite for love

Starting to feel hungry again a bit more now and beginning to eat a bit more. I have been feeling bad for months now but things are picking up again.

A load of old bollocks

At the end of the day it does not really matter about whether any of my legal complaints were valid or not. They got me out of long term psychiatric residential invalid care and that it all that really matters.

9 tracks

It's only a 9 track 35 minute album now but it's all good stuff. High quality recording as well. None of your fade in fade outs. Just good high quality sound. Can't wait to give a whole load away now.

The album

The album is quite good. There is no point trying to act out false modesty. One track has got lost in the recording system at 1% volume so will need cancelling but I think it was just a take 1 of another track. All in all I am quite pleased. I will be baking a steak pie tonight. And maybe having some garlic and chillies to celebrate.

My First CD

All the best things happen by accident don't they? That's right Tess. Anyway I have now produced and am in the middle of listening to for the first time my 11 track CD that I thought I would never be able to produce. It's playing now on the hi-fi in the other room. I think it is best listened to from another room really. It saves it being too in your face and gives you a chance to compute in another room. If it only gets listened to by 5 or 10 close friends it will still be worthwhile. I think if I like the album I will make up some extra copies and give them away.

Rupert

It was all about getting dumped by an aristocrat called Rupert in Autumn 1982 really. He just went back off to his private university and left me all on my own here in Jersey. I was just his bit of rough trade I suppose. I am glad he moved on. Its a nicer place without him.

It's OK.

I got it back now.

The fretless

Basically I think I have figured out why I have got so strung out by the cars. The reason is that I left the fretless in the back of the Lexus so I cannot stop thinking about it. I think I had better go and get it.

My life is being used up by others

I think I am now having a bit too much of my time wasted by people who are making quite a bit out of just using up what is left of my life. Other people seem to be just getting paid for using up my time. I am glad I did not have to live with my Dad much after the age of 13. It was a shame I ever went back home after admitting defeat at Bristol University. Looking back I would have probably been much happier just signing on and living on the streets.

Car problems

I think I have isolated my financial problems. I have somehow managed to aquire an expensive to run high class car too big for its expensive car park and also an unreliable old banger that is too big for my other car park which is paid for but is regettably very tight. The answer might be to sell both cars and cancel the costing car park then either just magage without a car or buy something really compact and economical. I only need a car to transport my cello really. As long as it fits in the front seat I should be able to buy something quite small like maybe one of those Smart cars the estate agents use.

8 countries

People from 8 different countries read this blog now. It really makes it quite a privillege to write it.

Work

I am making some real progress at work. Such progress that I am now beginning to unwind a bit but still. That is possibly for the best. It's worth learning a bit of PHP and Java if you already use a bit of HTML. Cheers.

il-7

I bought up quite a few of the big il-7 domain names when the news broke. I am not quite exactly sure what is going to happen now.

The Lexus

I might be able to take the Lexus back to the place I bought it from. That would be cool. I would save a heck of a lot on monthly bills. I know I would drop a bit on the prices. But I know I will never end up a car trader. I am just no good at it. I found that out when I had that business interview with Mr Mirza up in Harborne. I know he was a degreed lawyer and engineer but I just did not have the aptitude. I wonder what he is doing now. If you are reading this Mr Mirza thanks for the interview. I hope you found what you wanted in the end.

Cuts

Might have found a buyer for the Lexus. He is calling back tomorrow after looking at a couple of Jags. That should leave me with the BM on private land and a lot less in bills.

The car

Now all I need is some safe private land somewhere to leave the Lexus while I cancel the bills on it for a few years until I get myself back together and I should be OK.

All aboard

The Poole Organisation is now beginning to take people on board on a commission only basis.

il-7?

il-7?

It's worth a try

Got a new programming idea allready. It's not a sure fire cast steel certainty by any stretch of the imagination. But I think it might work so it is worth programming it all up.

It's a done deal

I have concluded much like my past prospective employment agents that I am just not the kind of person suited whatsoever to any of these high pressure high finance offshore deals. It is all sorted now. And things can now revert to the slow and simple pace of life before I got my sisters phone call. But I now know beyond all doubt that high finance is just not my bag in life. I am going back to the computer programming and internet marketing now. Cheers.

My mother's abusive behaviour

I think that the secret to understanding why my mother is so abusive is to realise that she was abused herself as a child before ww2 by the government regime in Germany. It took a whole generation for all of the abuse she suffered to surface from her personality but she expessed this abuse by abusing her children and everyone around her. She was an awful mother. All my childhood friends all said without exception that she was horrible. And she drove my father to drink after stealing the inheritance of her children. But there was at least a psychological reason for her behaviour. She had been abused herself by society in general in Germany when she was a child. Shallom.

A good learning curve

Well. I wrote the computer program and got it all going but it did not work. The plot failed. The actual computer program got written and functioned and did what it was meant to and everything. Just the basic business philosophy behind the actual design did not work out. A bit like building a bridge in the wrong place. Nice little computer program. Just completely useless. Got to work with Java, HTML, PHP, Basic, Visual basic, and read a bit about Python though. Very interesting really. I think I will write another few prorgams to do other things. Something will work out eventually.

My cold hard slab of polished steel

I have begun to get bored. And that is good. For years I have been so desperately mentally ill that I have been actively wanting to get to know the feeling of getting bored again. And now mercifully I am beginning to feel that way again. Daytime and work and the investments and the trust continues to be complete hell. It is slowly driving me mad and could put me in hospital. But just now I got to feel bored in the first time I can remember and it felt absolutely fantastic. Better that sex. Better than music. Better than religion. It was like coming up very slowly and very gently to a large slab of cold steel. A bit like something out of 2001. A huge cold steel slab privately and in the middle of nowhere. You could touch it. You could lick it. You could take your clothes off and even rub yourself up against it. But that cold slab of polished steel was all there was. It was not going to hurt you. However you caressed it it did not mind. If you even had sex with it it would not object. It was my cold hard slab of polished steel. It was permanent. It would always be there for me. And it still is. Thanks Joey.

Meeting someone you do not like

Met this guy who had lost his job today. Then they shut down his sheltered employment. Then his dog died. Getting on a bit. He will probably never work again. But the funny thing was that after a while I stopped feeling sorry for him and realised I did not like him. He was just trying to manipulate my feelings. Where he went wrong though was calling a homosexual a "poof" and saying that he was going to spent £700 on a new German Shepard dog. It was then that I realised I did not have to feel sorry for this guy and all caring and loving and understanding and compasionate. I was free to just spill the beans about him without giving his name anonymously to my blog and forget all about him. For me it was a great learning experience. For the first time in my life I have been able to go through the usual process of getting to know someone who I did not like. Then deciding that he was a tosser and that I do not want to spend any more time with him. Then openly confessing to the world that I do not want to get to know him any bettter or have anything more to do with him. It is truly a very liberating feeling. I will probably never have much more to do with him ever again.

Drink

It's nice not having to live abroad anymore. Apart from Funland disappearing nothing much has really changed.

Cello repossession

It was when my mother repossessed and sold my cello in the 1990s when I first got suspicious.

Action sanction mandate 31

If you ever are unlucky enough to start "hearing voices" that you think might not really be there remember to type them all into a good search engine on the web to find out what they mean. I have done this myself and found it to be a great source of comfort and help. There are also quite a few "voice hearing" networks you can join although they are by their very nature slightly disorganised.

The best advice you will ever have

• Exercise. Lift your mood with some aerobic exercise or weight lifting or some other physical activity since doing so boosts your body’s natural mood regulating chemicals. You’ll produce more endorphins and raise your levels of your brain’s natural antidepressants: norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine.
• Get enough sleep. This totally works for me. I found that once I’ve caught up with my sleep, I feel tremendously better. We all function better, think clearer, feel more refreshed and less stressed once we get into the habit of getting enough sleep.
• Watch the alcohol and say no to drugs. I think this is self-explanatory.
• Practice deep breathing to reduce your tension and stress levels. This will release more oxygen into your system along with those endorphins and help you relax.
• Keep to a routine.
• Don’t push yourself too hard or get stressed out.
• Take care of yourself if you get sick. Please, please get better before showing up to work. This way you should feel better faster, and your coworkers will thank you.
• Try to have fun. Maintain some social contact and don’t isolate yourself if you can help it. Get connected or reconnected: feeling lonely can trigger the mood swings!
• Get some light. If you are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D. refers to having the symptoms of depression tied to the seasons), step into natural sunlight as much as you can. But it sure doesn’t help when you face blizzards and extreme temperatures for weeks on end.
• Maintain good eating habits. Unfortunately, you may now be facing the consequences of having eaten too much high-caloric food over the holidays. Feeling a little puffier and heavier can be depressing I know! But you can make it up by reviewing your eating habits. Start the day off with a good breakfast and eat the right kind of foods on the right schedule. Why not try these foods to feel better.
• Take your vitamins. You want to maintain “balance” in your system and there are elements in a multi-vitamin that can help, including selenium and antioxidants.
• Schedule your breaks and vacations for the dead of winter and go somewhere warm and sunnier this time of year. Instead of taking all your vacation days in the summer months, why not reserve some in January or February? Then fly to Hawaii, or the tropics somewhere, or South America. Plus, you’ll probably get much better rates since you’re traveling off-season!
• Don’t overspend on the holidays. Budget your money carefully

Just in case

Just in case I actually do go missing or have another "accident" or get locked up again here are the ids of a few of the trustees at Barclays Wealth and Equinox in Jersey who have so far been the only people to gain out of the tragic series of events of the last few years.

Barclays Wealth

Leslie Cunliffe
Alex Clark Hutchison
Alexander Fearn
Simon Finch
Christopher Dorey
David Evans
Pauline Norris
Gavin Paisley
Dominic Pallot
Rory Winchester
Dorothy Le Cornu
Guarin Clayton

Equinox

Aynslie Le Brun
Grant McGregor
Tony Quinn
Clive Tomes

Hate Crimes

It's when they take the piss out of you for something you have not got or have not done that things can get really allmost too awfull to bear. Like they used to take the piss out of me for being rich. Everyone. Staff. Students. Patients. Police. Neighbours. Gangs. Kids. Yobs. The list goes on and on. The fact is I have spent most of my life very hard up but I got ripped off millions when I was 15 and the people responsible told everyone I was rich years later. I have been bullied all my life one way or another though. First my Mum. Then the bank. Now the accountants. You get used to it after a while. I now realise that G-d just simply does not like me. I believe in Him and believe he exists and everything. And He obviously likes some people. It's just that He does not like me. There is no other sane conclusion to draw.

Victim no more

The accountant here is beginning to make me feel like a hate crime victim. They charge 5 figures a year to pay me 1500 a month. Then they go on to all my friends about me making "unsubstantiated statements" when I complain about the money having been owing for 34 years. A lot of people in their business have just picked up where the SS left off I think.

Sanity on the mend now

This blog has quite literally saved my sanity. Now I can get word out to the free world about all of these deplorable offshore confidential relationships that I was accidentally seduced into I think I at least have hope of being able to rebuild my life. I know people go on and on about how Google has got too powerfull and everything but it's hats off to them for supplying this free blogger platform. Thanks.

The "call"

The accountant is "waiting for a call" from someone else now. The actual levels of inactivity are almost completely staggering. Watching paint dry out completely would be harder work. Meanwhile they continue to bill me 380ph so they can wait for the call. Even my mother would not have been vindictive enough to make an investment for me like this on purpose. My conclusion is that we all as a family got had. Thank goodness it was only me that went to the wall as a result. Not much consolation I know but I think everyone else survived financially in tact. You are considered paranoid when you suspect people are out to get you. When you actually have been got, so to speak, things begin to appear rather different. It is no longer a case of people trying to persuade you that you are paranoid as a sales trick to get you to use medication they all get free timeshares to supply you with. It is a genuine case of actually having been got by the people who you thought were out to get you in the first place. That is why everything here is really beginning to suck now.

The program

The program is down on the testing bench now and will take a few days to sort itself out. I have discovered that experimental program writing is in fact much more enjoyable than trying to deal advertising because buying and selling anything can go wrong sometimes and lose your cash but writing programs just costs you time. When operating on an ultra low budget having been wiped out by launderymen it makes a real difference knowing your inevitable learning curve mistakes are not going to cost you when they happen.

Equinox

I got a reply from the accountants at last. It was a bit snotty. And it was a bit defensive. But they say they are at least intending to reply "under seperate cover" to my queries about when would be a good time to buy annuities or annuity based products in light of the recent European Courts of Justice decision about gender bias in the insurance business.

Failure Arrives

I have now failed the electric cool aid acid test irrevokably. I know it. I am off to have some dinner.

Gut Instincts

You can only really follow your own gut instincts in life. Nobody elses. For years I did not understand why the Doctors and Nurses wanted to keep my family together and make sure that I inherited something from my Mum & Dad. It seemed really odd. Even slightly perverse and immoral. Then today I realised why. Being diagnosed a mental patient is a traumatic event and leads to a life of great suffering. Family, friends, and society often turn their back on you completely. Often, and such things have happened in my life, you are simply abandoned and left for dead in a hospital. But tonight I had a vision. What is it like to lead that kind of abandoned, hopeless, and desolate life and then at the moment of the death of you father or mother find out from their probate lawyer that despite being multi millionaires they have left you nothing in their wills? After a life of suffering how completely desolate would that make you feel? That is what the Doctors and nurses were trying to teach me and trying to avoid. It was not the estate inheritances they were trying to manipulate. They were just trying to protect me from the possible soul shattering news that neither of my parents ever really gave a dam about me. Being left a few quid goes a long way to show that at least they loved me once upon a time.

Accountants

The accountants have been told by me about the new European Court of Justice gender equality decision within the British Insurance products markets so all I can do is wait and hope they do something before the returns plunge 30% in a few weeks time.

Financial Pride

It was a long hard cold walk back from town today in the drizzling rain but at least it gave me a chance to collect my thoughts. I decided the main blow to your pride when you are diagnosed a mental health patient is the blow to your financial pride. When you are diagnosed what they are really telling you is that you will never earn much money, that you will never get married, and that you will probably never produce any children. Hearing that is a blow to your pride so you begin depression almost immediately.

Cuts

I have axed the private health insurance and all of the institutes apart from the bar and the computer society now. I feel much better for it.

To be

To be a mental patient or not to be a mental patient?
That is the question
Whether tiz knowbler to suffer the slings and arrows of the outrageous Community Psychiatric Nurse
Or take refuge from her?
And by taking refuge from her suffer and so perish
That is the question indeed

Pride

It's just my pride that is damaged from having been diagnosed a mental patient I think. In practice I don't really give a dam about it as long as I get enough money to live on and a warm secure place to live. I know I am meant to get all unhappy about the tragic waste of my career and education and everything. But I really could not care any less these days. If the computer programming works out it is all just icing on the cake.

Offshore confidentiality

I was trapped in an offshore world of confidentiality for too long. With the blog I have broken free.

Recovering

It looks like I am recovering. I will not be going tonight but I am thinking of gigging again and beginning to enjoy life.

Seems to be working

Cautious optimism is the word on the programming project. Basically it's working now. Or at least I think it is. It's all a bit brain darining really. And I do not want to tinker with anything now just in case it is working. So I will probably just let the thing run for a few days. In fact it is working. I can tell. I just want to be realistic instead of over optimistic about possible results though. Probably best just to do something else for a few weeks until it really begins to sink in to the invisible web. But I had some bad news today as well. Annuity prices for women are going down in a few weeks because of a recent European Courts of Justice decision. Unfortunately prices are also going up 30% for all males including me so my deal with the accountants might go down 30% unless I can persuade them to get their act together before the judgement is implimented in the UK insurance business. Anyway. The computer programming is coming along well now. It is actually incredibly difficult. Or at least it was very hard to learn for me. The best thing about it though is the actual bottom line cost of writing code.

Yves dropped

Got a call from Yves Raymond today still languishing there in hospital. It makes you feel terrible when you realise you have to leave some people behind you for life. Some people get better some don't I guess. I lost use of a domain name as well today with my slow learning curve. Got a php script working though.

Protortype 2

It turned out Visual Basic was entirely the wrong language to use. Visual Basic cannot really be built into web pages very easily because it is heavilly dependent on all sorts of Windows system operating files.

Work

The reason I have gone back to work is that I basically cannot stand the mental health scene any longer. The work I do is quite easy and satisfying. I can work my own hours and take regular breaks. Puccini was quite a guy.

Tosca

I was listening to an explanation of the story of the Tosca opera followed by the opera itself when during Act II there came to me a thought for some reason of a completely new standard of the whole human spectrum of suffering. I looked it up on the web and it really does exist. It is called mental health respite. Basically it is when they pack you off somewhere because they are sick of "caring" about you. Imagine that. You are having a breakdown anyway. Feeling lonely, scared, vulnerable, and isolated. Then someone comes along and tells you they are sending you off for "respite". Puccini must have been quite a guy.

Music

Countdown to the weekend. Working life is about to draw to a close for over 48 hours. I just hope none of my guitar strings break. Chow for now amigos.

Death and Taxes

Tax issues only ever really become a problem if you have less than 6 years to live. The reason for this is that after you die in some jurisdictions the tax man cannot go back more than 6 years before your actual date of departure. With 7 years or more of life expectancy things can become quite attractive. Different jurisdictions have different limitations though. It always pays to stay alive as long as you possibly can.

Mum & Dad

It's interesting to note looking back that my parents shopped me to Interpol around the same month that they actually sold my office block. They had their reasons I suppose.

Changed my mind

I have decided not to post off my learned society resignation letters after all. They were too hard to get into in the first place and only cost me 10% of my income anyway. A much better way of saving money is simply to fire the accountants.

Interesting

It's interesting how the same day that I have made a decision to post off all the professional society resignation letters I should have at last made the breakthrough on my Visual Basic program. It's bedtime soon. I will be getting up early in the morning to have breakfast and go out and post the letters. It's just a job that has got to be done. Maybe I will buy some milk and weetabix on the way back from the shop as a treat.

My first VB program

Well. I have actually writen my first Visual Basic program now. I examined the interior of my computer with it. Not for the faint hearted. Then I shut it down. Now I am writing this blog. For a chronic mental patient this is all pretty big stuff. It worked. So I am off to have some dinner.

Tenancies

I have got three different tenancies now. The French place, the Church car park, and my flat. It's quite a thought.

Friday Post

Well. I wrote all the professional society resignation letters earlier on in the week and I have decided they will be going out tomorrow on Friday morning before Nurse Alison comes around. It will be a hard thing to do especially considering all the hard years work that went into earning them but you cannot eat bits of paper and certificates. I will need to draw £10 form Lloyds for the postage. I should be back at work by the afternoon after my injection.

The Accountant

Can't really afford to get too far carried away with the spending now that the bank and accountant have savaged my lifetime cash flow. Hence the new business focus on non cost non loss programming shifting the focus from expenditure. The lifetime cashflow position itself is still tragically unfocused around whole life expectancy but I am told by the accountants they are waiting to hear from external sources about applied for whole life financial redesign.

Work Permission

I think the thing to remember is that on the old fashioned benefits under the old system work itself was capped at a ceiling of 50% of your benefit rate. Unlimited work permission under the new benefits system is much better. In fact it is incomparable. Life really is completely different. And it is much better.

Good morning

Just woke up today after a very stressed period of a few days. I think the new car park is going to work out quite well. I have some programming to do which is going to need me to take some tutorials.

Some Code

Thought some of you might want to see some Visual Basic code.

Got lucky

I got lucky today. I was evicted from my car parking space by the neighbour who had let me use his for a while but luckily by that time I had got to the top of the waiting list for the Church car park. The Lord moves in mysterious ways.

Spelling mistakes

Just trying to write something without a spelling mistake like last time. I never was that good at reading really. It's nice more and more stuff is available in video now. It makes learning a lot easier.

Code

My business has shifted. After many years learning the trade of internet marketing and using other peoples systems and programs all the time I have now slowly edged into the field of writing my own programs. It is still very early days but I have already progressed to compiling a "form" that can execute any virtual basic code. The implications are that with a background in standard internet marketing I will now probably soon be able to start automating quite a lot of standard internet marketing tasks. The internet marketing infrastructure of my business has been left safely intact. Financially things have become quite interesting. The houly cost of writing programs is zero. All other things being equal this means that program writing is a non loss non cost activity. There will be a slight learning curve to be negotiated as with any new learning activity but once you realise the whole general focus of the curve will be internet marketing orientated things genuinely begin to begin to look quite attractive.

Accepting Salvation

It looks like the key to it all is learning to accept salvation even though it might not in the first istance seem to be either deserved or to make much sense. With reference to the "case" this would mean accepting the offer and not being greedy. With reference to the rest of life is a far wider issue with many more far reaching consequences but salvation must be learned to be accepted nevertheless. There is no other way.

VB

I am now armed with a free edition of Visual Basic

Vanity

I have now decided to take my institution resignation plans a bit further and resign from every single one of them over the course of this week and ask for my money back for any unused membership time. They became an expensive intellectual addiction that I now can no longer afford or even I think wanted in the first place. I am still left with quite a few other qualifications that I do not have to maintain on a regular basis and following the new philosophy of financial austerity sanity and realism I have realised that they were only items of intellectual vanity in the first place. The letters will all go out this week.

Equitable Life

I think I am meant to make a comment about the lack of compensation to be paid on my Equitable Life pension fund because it was taken out before 1992. My Dad is in a similar position with his Equitable Life pension fund because his was taken out before 1992 as well. As a matter of interest if anyone actually is interested in what I think I think the case highlights all the double standards that have riddled the City for years. There was another ten figure pension fund loss in the City around the same time as the 1992 threshold date when several thousand other pensioners also lost out. Those responsible at Equitable Life for their 10 figure losses were not quiety pushed off their boats on holiday. A good thing too. It's only money.

Shellex

You can use shellex in lots of different languages apparently

ShellExecute

You use ShellExecute in a free version of Visual Basic

A Job

I have decided to note todays money making idea on my blog in the knowlege that only the faithful few who actually read this blog will find out and there is enough scope for all of them to do it too with my full permission.

The trustees

Life is going to be completely different without having to answer to my mothers trustees any more. The last 24 years were complete hell. The previous 10 were pretty bad as well. Now I will get index linked money every month without having to beg. Life is going to be good.

The Standing Patent Law Committe

I am thinking of volunteering to offer my services to the Patent Law Committee this year. Time comes around every year for volunteering in February. Appointments last 3 years. The New York City Bar does not cover the cost of all the lunches though. So I might not join. There is a seperate fund for lunch that I would have to contribute to and I would not be getting any lunch because I live in Jersey. I would just end up subsidizing everyone elses lunch which is something I am not prepared to do.

Broadmoor

My mother belongs in Broadmoor for all that she did about the 34 year fraud. And my father and sister both need professional therapy for life. The board of Barclays Private Bank should go to prison.

"Boogie Street"

"We are back on Boogie Street but nobody has told us what Boogie Street is for"

Fax machine

I have got my fax machine sorted now as well. I found exactly the right cable for it in the charity shop for 99p after paying £2.00 for it in the other charity shop. After loading it up with paper and powering it all on it printed out a paper saying there had been a power failure in June 2001. Looks like it had not been used since that time. 10 years later it is still printing OK though and the phone part of it still works OK. Not quite sure what happens if anyone actually rings up now but nobody ever phones anyway. Everything just happens on computer now. Try sending a fax if you want. You never know. It might just get through.

Sorted

It's nice having got the finance case sorted. It means I can get back on with my music and my job. And my life. The family and the medics got defended. Nobody else came out of it very well I am sorry to say.

The M40

I worked with quite a few guys from the M40 on the A5. Most of them worked with Mc Alpines and were quite nice people. Very rich though. One of the engineers rolled his landrover on the M40 and got killed. I rolled mine on the A5 but survived. The bridges are still there anyway. I drove up there in 2009. Someone nicked my Landrover the day I quit. Must have wanted it I suppose.

Deal

Looks like we reached a deal with the offshore trust money. They are finding 3 different whole life products over the next few weeks then making a choice. It is a blow for freedom and justice though. It looks like offshore crime and money laundering is now the side to be on. Coupled with plenty of confidentiality and saying how compliant with protocol we all are though. But what can a poor old mental patient do other than say yes to all these sorts of people? The judges and law are all on the take as well and nobody out of town has any jusisdiction.

But I am no vigilante and I am not seeking divine retribution. They give me a few K every year index linked and everything gets swept under the carpet as usual. Rock on Dirty Harry. He might never as well have been born.

Cup size

I expect to have grown at least AA cup sized tits by the summer now. Shemale transition is a strange affair. Actions speak louder than words though so I am not going to go telling everybody. I am now intending to just let them work it out for themselves. As I grow less and less flat chested people are bound to start talking. Especially in such a small town like this. But I have decided to just let them talk. My eventual cup size after the next 3 years of lotions and potions is open to speculation. But I would be happy with DD.

The Dream Comes Alive

The time is coming for me to take to the road again. A new driving holiday beckons. But I have learned from the last one this time. Things I need to take include. A mobile phone and charger. A laptop computer. A mobile wifi to pick up the web from remote places. My 3 pin 240 volt 150watt smoking socket 12 volt ac/dc transformer ( that is the one that saves your life ). A few litres of water. Bog rolls. Petrol money. A better international breakdown pick up service than last time. A bible. A credit card, a book, and a guitar.

The car has been completely rebuilt since my last adventure.
It even has some new tyres.
And some tax.

There is something a bit different about driving a 3.9 litre V8.
Its difficult to quite describe appropriately.

You move from town to town in it.
And each new town you arrive in you really do get noticed.

Vive La France.

My new financial plan

I have decided to resign from all of my professional institutes apart from two. This is because of a need to save costs. I do not read many of the magazines anyway so they are really a complete waste of money. I am probably going to stay in my three trade unions though. I have good memories of my working life.

Does anyone really care?

The answer is very few people. Maybe my mothers lawyer and her banker. My nurse, Maybe my Doctor. Perhaps my sister. My father. My boss. My friends. The guys in the band. And the orchestra. Apart from that life is just tough. I got ripped off by my Mum for 34 years. I just have to get over it.

Broken

I am a broken spirit now. After 34 years I am just a burned out shell. But I will grow strong again. And well again. I have to.

My mother

My mother is an evil witch who does not deserve to walk the grounds of this earth. She has bullied me and dominated me and controlled me all of my life. I am now too old to enjoy what is left of my life. Her money launderers are even worse. They starved me and controlled me all of my life. Now I am allmost 50. I have never found out what freedom is. I am a broken man.

Sick

I am completely sick of everyone I know. All they have ever done is lock me up and control me. Money was the reason they did it. All because my mother stole from me when I was a kid.

Upstaged

I have been upstaged by my mother all of my life. She felt she had to stay in control of the cash. My whole life has been spent in her shadow. I was never alowed to think for myself. Ever since the money came I have been seeing a psychiatrist. She has always stayed in control. 34 years. My life was wasted by her.

Restitution

They are giving it back now. The funds that have been missing for 34 years. They are buying me an index linked pension with them. The news has not really sunk in yet. 34 years without is a long time.

No Help

The feeling there is nobody to help me out anymore is growing more intense as days go by. Responsibility and independance are words that spring to mind. Also solitude, lonelyness, and a feeling of being alone.

Another Post

There is nobody around to sort things out any more. If anything goes wrong with my life now I am on my own. What I have to do is get rid of the French place. It could prove to be a real expense. Then I have to streamline and simplify my life. I have to make some savings. And I have to do more work. I am on my own now. My parents will not talk to me. I have to get things sorted out.

Another Post

Found out it is easier than I thought to sell the French place. Also got some good news from the accountant about hopefully sorting out an annuity. I got my teeth cleaned and also passed my check up at the dentist. I even found out that I am in demand as a cello player. Also I got one of my tracks listened to by a BBC producer.

Second Post

Thank goodness that I have found this blogging platform. I was locked into a secret offshore confidential world of coded email addresses and secret job titles. Now I can be open and free again. I can even tell people about my shemale transition progress. I can tell them about my hospitalisation in the psychiatric hospital. And all I have been through. And my music. And my job. And my flat.

Happy

I am really happy with this free blog from google. And I am not just saying that to get google juice. The fact is I have been sending people confidential emails for about a year. And I have almost got trapped into an email prison of my own design. With this blog I can carry on communicating to everybody. But it will be out in the open in the safety of cyber space. I hope I can just remember the name of my blog and how to get back here.